The Warblers do Chicago
by rikalynch
Summary: The Warblers do Cell Block Tango from Chicago. post from tumblr


"_Pop." _David leans against the bars of his jail cell.

"_Six."_ Jeff follows suit, wrapping his hands around them.

"_Squish,"_ Thad stretches his arms out of the bars, and wraps them around.

"_Uh-uh," _Kurt's shaky voice comes next as he squeezes onto the bars.

"_Cicero," _Sebastian takes a drag from his smoke.

"_Anderson." _Kurt falls against his cell bars after a pause.

Wes' hands shake as he watches the boys dance around the stage. The sheer perfection of their acting pleases him. Their singing is perfect.

"_Pop!_"

"_Six!_"

"_Squish!_"

"_Uh-uh!"_

"_Cicero!"_

"_Lipschitz!"_

"_He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame. If you'd have been there—if you'd have seen it," _the boys all sing in unison.

"_I bet you, you would have done the same." _Nick finishes.

David's bars fall, and he walks out, his body embracing the black leather he was wearing. _"You know how some people have these habits that really get you down? Like Wesley, for example… Wesley liked to chew gum." _David stops for a moment, then, "_no, not chew. _Pop._ So I came home this one day, and I'm _really_ irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Wesley, lying on the couch, drinking his beer, and chewing gum. No, not chewin'. _Poppin'! _So I say to him, Wesley, you pop that gum one more time." _David stops to sigh and look slightly remorseful. "_And he did. So I took the shotgun off of the wall, and I fired two warning shots. Into his head."_

The boys all sing the chorus, _"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame. If you'd have been there—if you'd have heard it, I bet you, you would have done the same!"_

Jeff's bars fall. He steps forward, and flips his hair. _"I met Nick Duval from Salt Lake City about two years ago, and he told me he was single. We hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner. Then I found out…" _Jeff laughed. "_'Single?' He told me? Single my ass. Oh no, not only was he married, but he had six _wives._ One of those Mormons, you know? So that night, he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic." _

"_Hah! He had it coming__! __He had it coming! He took a flower,__in its prime. And then he used it, and he abused it! It was a murder, but not a crime!" _The other boys' unison was perfect.

Thad steps forward and runs his hands down his body as he speaks, "_Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. And in storms my husband Beat, in a jealous rage. 'You been screwing the milk man?' he says. He was crazy! And he kept on screaming, 'You been screwing the milk man!'" _Thad stops, and smiles devilishly. "_And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."_

"_If you'd have been there—if you'd have seen it!" _The boys sing. "_I bet you, you would have done the same!"_

Now, for Kurt's part, Wes had decided he wanted it in English. So Kurt steps forward, and starts the best translation they could do. "_What am I doing here? They say my notorious lover held down my husband and I chopped his head off. But it's not true. I'm innocent. I don't know why Brock says I did it. I tried to explain at the police station, but they didn't understand." _

"_Yeah," _Thad says. "_But did you do it?"_

"_Uh-uh!" _Kurt growls, stepping forward. "_I'm not guilty!" _

Sebastian's turn to go, and he starts off with a growl. "_My brother, Scott and__I, had this double act__and my husband, Chandler,__traveled around with us.__Now, for the last number in__our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks—one two three four, five...splits, spread eagles,__back flips, flip flops,__one right after the other.__Well, this one night we were in the hotel Cicero,__the three of us,__boozin' and__havin' a few laughs__when we run out of ice.__So I went out to get some.__I come back, open the door__and there's Scott and__Chandler doing number seventeen—the spread eagle." _Sebastian growls again and squints. "_Well, I was in such a state of shock,__I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.__It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands;__I even knew they were dead."_

The chorus comes next, and it sounds so unbelievably perfect that Wes gets goosebumps.

Kurt's turn to sing, and he smirks devilishly, "_I loved Blaine Anderson more than I could possibly say. He was a real artistic guy… Sensitive; a singer. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself. And on the way, he found Finn, Artie, Jeremiah, and Sam. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive… I saw him dead."_

"_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!" _The boys sing, dancing around the stage. "_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!"_This chorus is even more perfect than the last few, and Wes' arms are sure to be bumpy.

"_You pop that gum one more time." _David mutters.

"_Single my ass," _Jeff glares at the audience area.

"_Ten times!" _Thad says, emphasizing it with all ten of his fingers.

"_Brock told the police." _Flint's voice sounds hurt.

"_Number seventeen—the spread eagle,"_ Sebastian growls.

"_Artistic differences," _Kurt's voice rings out.

"_Pop."_

"_Six."_

"_Squish."_

"_Uh-uh."_

"_Cicero."_

"_Anderson."_


End file.
